I'm not ok.
Yes its been a year. But that doesnt mean i'm over it. It doesnt mean i didnt/dont need support. Especially when you feel like you didnt really have any support to begin with.
It seems no one realizes or understands i need help. No one wants to talk about it. How do you think i feel? No one has asked me how i'm doing. Not even my husband. Who was there. Who lost exactly what i lost. But its no big deal. Its been a year. I should have moved on by now right?
Its such a shock when i "suddenly" reach my breaking point and give up and shut down. No one seems to know whats going on. I just dont get it. I dont know what else to say or do or how to ask for help or support from anyone without being criticized or judged on how i still feel. Whats the point in asking and asking and asking?
I get it, no one knows what to say. But saying nothing at all is like saying it doesnt matter and i cant express how painful that is for me.
Being told, "If it doesnt work this cycle you'll be refered to another doctor." is a hard pill to swallow. We arent prepared to see another doctor. A specialist. That is not in the have-a-baby-fun. So thats it. I really dont even want to go pick up this months prescription for Clomid. Ive already decided its not going to work, so why waste that money? Why keep tortouring myself with the "maybe this month!"
I'm waving my white flag. I give up. We had our chance and it was taken. I need to move on, remember what i had for a short time and be happy with that. Who cares if E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E else around you is getting pregnant (i realize this seems like an exaggeration but i assure you its not). Including your sister in law who has one fallopion tube and who wasnt even trying to get pregnant.
I'm just.....done.
