I'm not ok.
Yes its been a year. But that doesnt mean i'm over it. It doesnt mean i didnt/dont need support. Especially when you feel like you didnt really have any support to begin with.
It seems no one realizes or understands i need help. No one wants to talk about it. How do you think i feel? No one has asked me how i'm doing. Not even my husband. Who was there. Who lost exactly what i lost. But its no big deal. Its been a year. I should have moved on by now right?
Its such a shock when i "suddenly" reach my breaking point and give up and shut down. No one seems to know whats going on. I just dont get it. I dont know what else to say or do or how to ask for help or support from anyone without being criticized or judged on how i still feel. Whats the point in asking and asking and asking?
I get it, no one knows what to say. But saying nothing at all is like saying it doesnt matter and i cant express how painful that is for me.
Being told, "If it doesnt work this cycle you'll be refered to another doctor." is a hard pill to swallow. We arent prepared to see another doctor. A specialist. That is not in the have-a-baby-fun. So thats it. I really dont even want to go pick up this months prescription for Clomid. Ive already decided its not going to work, so why waste that money? Why keep tortouring myself with the "maybe this month!"
I'm waving my white flag. I give up. We had our chance and it was taken. I need to move on, remember what i had for a short time and be happy with that. Who cares if E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E else around you is getting pregnant (i realize this seems like an exaggeration but i assure you its not). Including your sister in law who has one fallopion tube and who wasnt even trying to get pregnant.
I'm just.....done.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Saturday, November 26, 2011
Ovulation Detected!
Yaaaaaaaaay!!!! Ovulation has been detected! I do ovulate! Now those temps just have to stay high! I'm only worried that we havent had sex since ovulation. But sometimes it can be too late at that point. And since we timed it pretty well on ovulation day and a couple days before i think we should be ok.
Also, i've been having a lot of lower back pain, like i usually would if AF was going to be coming. So i'm trying to stay positive. But i'm so afraid to be too confident. GAH! So welcome to 3 (dpo) days past ovulation.
Testing for pregnancy is about a week and a half. FINGERS CROSSED PLEASE!
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
One Year Ago Today
What a difference a year can make. Its pretty surreal. I can remember exactly what Chris and I were doing a year ago like I was watching a movie. I guess that’s sort of what it feels like at this point. We had put off grocery shopping on our usual Sunday for whatever reason so after work we had dinner and then went to the grocery. Before we had went I had realized that day my period was due. Mentioned it to Chris so he suggested we get a pregnancy test while at the store. I got so excited. The weeks leading up to that day I thought and thought about whether or not I was pregnant. This was before I knew what sort of signs I could have noticed. I was so naive. I had some! I was super tired, had cramps, gas, bloating and had break through heartburn. I take a prescription for GERD so I usually don’t have it. Anyway up until the 22nd I thought about it every day. But that day I hadn’t. So we grocery shop, buy a pregnancy test and go home. I didn’t have to pee yet so we had to wait until I did. Again, I had forgotten we had bought it. Chris and I were playing a seek-and-find game on the computer together and I announced I had to pee just being silly, and Chris reminded me to take the test! I was so nervous! Here goes nothing! I peed on that stick and we waited the time the instructions told us to. Went back in three minutes later to see not one but TWO lines!!! I was pregnant! Our first month of “not trying not preventing” and BAM it worked!! We were going to be PARENTS and our lives would change forever. In an instant everything changed. When I handed the test to Chris to see for himself, he didn’t believe it was actually positive. “One line is lighter then the other, that’s not positive.” he said. I replied “Yes it is!! A line is a line!! Look!!” I shoved the instructions in his face so he could read it and look at the pictures. Its safe to say we were both shocked but completely happy at the same time.
As soon as I realized I was pregnant, I swear I could “feel” it. It was a strange feeling in my lower abdomen. But knowing what was going on, it was wonderful! We went back to playing our computer game but that didn’t last long. Apparently it really turned Chris on so we had to celebrate. It was so sweet and romantic. I remember feeling cramps after we made love, like our child was telling me it was there. It was an amazing night. Something I’ll never forget. Something I crave to experience again. I ache to see two lines again on a pregnancy test.
The saddest/worst possible day of my entire life occurred just 19 days later. It was the day after my work’s Christmas party. We got home late from the party; I had some slight cramping, but it was pretty normal since finding out I was expecting. I went to the bathroom and noticed the slightest twinge of very light brown, barely even noticeable really, on the toilet paper when I used the bathroom before going to bed. I didn’t even say anything to Chris about it and just pushed it to the back of my mind. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. But in the back of my mind I feared the worst. I pushed it out of my mind and went to sleep still so happy to be pregnant!
The next day, my life changed forever…again. I started having constant cramps. I knew something was up. I asked friends, my sister, everyone said it was normal. Not to worry. Everything was fine. I felt like no one was really listening to me. There was a bit more when I used the bathroom on the toilet paper but I tried so hard to ignore it. I told Chris about it. We agreed I would keep an eye on it. I went about with the plans to go shopping with a friend. I didn’t have a good time, all I could do was worry. We got into a very minor fender bender (we were barely going 20 if even that fast when the guy rear ended me) while going from one store to the next. The shock of the impact made my adrenaline kick in which made my cramps worse. I texted Chris at work to tell him we had been in a wreck. We went to the next store but decided I should go home after that to check the spotting. If it was worse I would go to the hospital. Chris left work and met me at home. I went to the bathroom and called Chris in with me (my friend came back with me) and I started crying. I was now fully bleeding. We decided to go to the emergency room. They got me back right away. Once I was in a room I cried. I spent most of the time we were at the hospital crying. The doctor was really nice and understanding (his wife had had a miscarriage) and the nurse was also nice (she had also had one). I had absolutely no idea how common they were. I hadn’t known anyone who had had one. I gave the urine sample, vials of blood and had an ultrasound. I was diagnosed with a threatened abortion. Seriously they need to rethink the naming of that. Blah. I was given pain medicine and anti nausea medicine, although I wasn’t nauseous. Word had gotten back to my parents we were at the hospital so as I was getting dressed to leave my parents show up. So I cried some more. We didn’t want anyone to worry. They thought I was hurt from the wreck I was in, so having to tell them we were losing our baby hurt so much. Seeing their shock and sadness broke my heart all over again. My mom cried with me.
After leaving the hospital I had to call the rest of the family, his parents, my brother and sisters to tell them what was going on. By then it was pretty late, close to midnight. So we went to a 24 hr CVS to fill my prescriptions. While waiting for it to be filled I felt the pregnancy pass. I was thankful Chris told me to put a panty liner in. Why he was the one to tell me to do that and I wasn’t smart enough to do it myself I cant tell you…I swear the cramps were mini contractions. And they were very painful. The lortabs didn’t really do much, and I was prescribed to take two per dose.
Thankfully this all happened on a weekend so I had a day I could rest and recover. I went to work that Monday though. I decided to tell my direct boss and word got around to the GM and she made me go home. I didn’t want to go home. I was distracted at work from thinking about it and being upset. But I went anyway. I don’t remember if Chris was there or if he was at work. The details get hazy at this point in my story. But I know for sure I went home and cried more.
We never knew how badly we wanted a child together until it happened and until it was gone. I long to see two lines again on a pregnancy test. Some day i will again. Right?
As soon as I realized I was pregnant, I swear I could “feel” it. It was a strange feeling in my lower abdomen. But knowing what was going on, it was wonderful! We went back to playing our computer game but that didn’t last long. Apparently it really turned Chris on so we had to celebrate. It was so sweet and romantic. I remember feeling cramps after we made love, like our child was telling me it was there. It was an amazing night. Something I’ll never forget. Something I crave to experience again. I ache to see two lines again on a pregnancy test.
The saddest/worst possible day of my entire life occurred just 19 days later. It was the day after my work’s Christmas party. We got home late from the party; I had some slight cramping, but it was pretty normal since finding out I was expecting. I went to the bathroom and noticed the slightest twinge of very light brown, barely even noticeable really, on the toilet paper when I used the bathroom before going to bed. I didn’t even say anything to Chris about it and just pushed it to the back of my mind. I was tired and just wanted to sleep. But in the back of my mind I feared the worst. I pushed it out of my mind and went to sleep still so happy to be pregnant!
The next day, my life changed forever…again. I started having constant cramps. I knew something was up. I asked friends, my sister, everyone said it was normal. Not to worry. Everything was fine. I felt like no one was really listening to me. There was a bit more when I used the bathroom on the toilet paper but I tried so hard to ignore it. I told Chris about it. We agreed I would keep an eye on it. I went about with the plans to go shopping with a friend. I didn’t have a good time, all I could do was worry. We got into a very minor fender bender (we were barely going 20 if even that fast when the guy rear ended me) while going from one store to the next. The shock of the impact made my adrenaline kick in which made my cramps worse. I texted Chris at work to tell him we had been in a wreck. We went to the next store but decided I should go home after that to check the spotting. If it was worse I would go to the hospital. Chris left work and met me at home. I went to the bathroom and called Chris in with me (my friend came back with me) and I started crying. I was now fully bleeding. We decided to go to the emergency room. They got me back right away. Once I was in a room I cried. I spent most of the time we were at the hospital crying. The doctor was really nice and understanding (his wife had had a miscarriage) and the nurse was also nice (she had also had one). I had absolutely no idea how common they were. I hadn’t known anyone who had had one. I gave the urine sample, vials of blood and had an ultrasound. I was diagnosed with a threatened abortion. Seriously they need to rethink the naming of that. Blah. I was given pain medicine and anti nausea medicine, although I wasn’t nauseous. Word had gotten back to my parents we were at the hospital so as I was getting dressed to leave my parents show up. So I cried some more. We didn’t want anyone to worry. They thought I was hurt from the wreck I was in, so having to tell them we were losing our baby hurt so much. Seeing their shock and sadness broke my heart all over again. My mom cried with me.
After leaving the hospital I had to call the rest of the family, his parents, my brother and sisters to tell them what was going on. By then it was pretty late, close to midnight. So we went to a 24 hr CVS to fill my prescriptions. While waiting for it to be filled I felt the pregnancy pass. I was thankful Chris told me to put a panty liner in. Why he was the one to tell me to do that and I wasn’t smart enough to do it myself I cant tell you…I swear the cramps were mini contractions. And they were very painful. The lortabs didn’t really do much, and I was prescribed to take two per dose.
Thankfully this all happened on a weekend so I had a day I could rest and recover. I went to work that Monday though. I decided to tell my direct boss and word got around to the GM and she made me go home. I didn’t want to go home. I was distracted at work from thinking about it and being upset. But I went anyway. I don’t remember if Chris was there or if he was at work. The details get hazy at this point in my story. But I know for sure I went home and cried more.
We never knew how badly we wanted a child together until it happened and until it was gone. I long to see two lines again on a pregnancy test. Some day i will again. Right?
Monday, November 7, 2011
Cycle #3...
I never expected to have to TRY to have a baby. All those years i prevented with birth control pills seem like such a waste now. I sometimes wonder if taking those pills all those years has affected my fertility. It seems to be a trend in the TTC world. So many of us spent years preventing and when we're ready its just not happening. Like my body go used to not doing what it was supposed to because i spent so much time making sure it didnt. Apparently studies have proven that to be wrong though. Oh well, i feel like i'm grasping.
Welcome to CD4.
I'm trying really hard to keep positive. We are on cycle number 3 of trying with the help of clomid (50 mg). Some people try for YEARS. I cant imagine having to try that long and still be unsuccessful. Things seem to be getting better with each cycle. Two cycles in a row that have started on their own, which is really good. The first cycle i ovulated petty late, the second cycle i ovulated a little sooner so i'm hoping even sooner with cycle #3.
I called my OB/GYN this morning to let them know i've started another cycle and to see about upping my dose of clomid from 50 mg to 100 mg. My doctor was in surgery so the nurse said she would check with her, but that they will probably up the dose, she just has to confirm with the doctor before calling the script in. So i'm just waiting with anticipation for the call back...weird i know. Its not like i can change it. The regimine i'm on i have to take the clomid on CD 5-9, so i hope they realize i need to have that filled by tomorrow. I told the nurse when i started and such so hopefully she realized. If i havent heard by like 3:30 i think i'll call again.
Welcome to CD4.
I'm trying really hard to keep positive. We are on cycle number 3 of trying with the help of clomid (50 mg). Some people try for YEARS. I cant imagine having to try that long and still be unsuccessful. Things seem to be getting better with each cycle. Two cycles in a row that have started on their own, which is really good. The first cycle i ovulated petty late, the second cycle i ovulated a little sooner so i'm hoping even sooner with cycle #3.
I called my OB/GYN this morning to let them know i've started another cycle and to see about upping my dose of clomid from 50 mg to 100 mg. My doctor was in surgery so the nurse said she would check with her, but that they will probably up the dose, she just has to confirm with the doctor before calling the script in. So i'm just waiting with anticipation for the call back...weird i know. Its not like i can change it. The regimine i'm on i have to take the clomid on CD 5-9, so i hope they realize i need to have that filled by tomorrow. I told the nurse when i started and such so hopefully she realized. If i havent heard by like 3:30 i think i'll call again.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Second Two Week Wait!
We are well into Cycle 2 (with Clomid) of our TTC journey. Today is CD 21 and also 1DPO! Now, this is early if i were comparing things to last cycle, 5 days early to be exact. But the good thing is, i was monitoring with OPKs and was able to catch and earlier ovulation and take the appropriate action! wink, wink! This cycle has been different in a lot of ways compared to last cycle.
Where do i begin with the differences?...
First of all, as you may already know for my last blog entry, i started the second cycle on my own. This was huge because thats the first self started cycle i've had since the miscarriage in December 2010.
Secondly, i had a teeeeeerrible headache/border line migraine for 4 days straight. And i'm not exaggerating here. It was awful! The only thing that helped was Midol which tells me it was defiantly hormone related. I held off as long as i could without taking anything, but i just couldnt function. I missed a day of work because it.
Third, i ovulated earlier this cycle. Cycle 1 i ovulated on CD24 of what ended up being a 38 day cycle. This cycle i ovualted on CD19, which if calculations are correct that would mean this cycle should last 33 days. We shall see.
Other things i've noticed this cycle that were different were my cervial position and cervical mucus. My cervix was noticably higher around ovulation and i absolutely had more CM. Those are all good indications of ovulation. I noticed these things about Sunday and thought they were strange because i wasnt expecting to ovulate for another week or so. But i had been taking an OPK every day since CD 10 so if it was going to happen early i would see it. Sure enough on Tuesday i got a positive OPK.
We had baby danced the night before so i was confident with that. I'm not sure why we didnt that night, but oh well. And then yesterday's OPK was even darker, and we BDed then too.
So i'm feeling confident this cycle. But cautiously confident.
Perhaps the first cycle was just to introduce the clomid to my system. And cycle 2 was like, ok, we can work with that and my body is doing what its supposed to this cycle. I dont know, i'm really just trying to keep myself from over thinking things like i did last cycle. But it looks like thats not working.
So, welcome to my second two week wait!
Where do i begin with the differences?...
First of all, as you may already know for my last blog entry, i started the second cycle on my own. This was huge because thats the first self started cycle i've had since the miscarriage in December 2010.
Secondly, i had a teeeeeerrible headache/border line migraine for 4 days straight. And i'm not exaggerating here. It was awful! The only thing that helped was Midol which tells me it was defiantly hormone related. I held off as long as i could without taking anything, but i just couldnt function. I missed a day of work because it.
Third, i ovulated earlier this cycle. Cycle 1 i ovulated on CD24 of what ended up being a 38 day cycle. This cycle i ovualted on CD19, which if calculations are correct that would mean this cycle should last 33 days. We shall see.
Other things i've noticed this cycle that were different were my cervial position and cervical mucus. My cervix was noticably higher around ovulation and i absolutely had more CM. Those are all good indications of ovulation. I noticed these things about Sunday and thought they were strange because i wasnt expecting to ovulate for another week or so. But i had been taking an OPK every day since CD 10 so if it was going to happen early i would see it. Sure enough on Tuesday i got a positive OPK.
We had baby danced the night before so i was confident with that. I'm not sure why we didnt that night, but oh well. And then yesterday's OPK was even darker, and we BDed then too.
So i'm feeling confident this cycle. But cautiously confident.
Perhaps the first cycle was just to introduce the clomid to my system. And cycle 2 was like, ok, we can work with that and my body is doing what its supposed to this cycle. I dont know, i'm really just trying to keep myself from over thinking things like i did last cycle. But it looks like thats not working.
So, welcome to my second two week wait!
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Back to the beginning. Cycle #2
We are back to the beginning. That means today is cycle day 2. Thats right, AF has arrived. In all honesty, i'm excited about it. I'm super happy i was able to start a new cycle on my own. I havent done that since the miscarriage in December. As happy as i am for this i am equally sad. Not only does this mean i am not pregnant this month, but these cramps are killing me. I didnt normally have terrible cramps, i had cramps, yeah, but nothing like these. I feel weird about it too because these cramps remind me of my miscarriage. Not quite as painful and "contraction like" but still pretty painful. I had a terrible headache for 2 days. I even left work early yesterday to deal with it. And i've been having cramps for the last three days. I have also been having hot flashes pretty frequently. I knew what was coming, as much as i wanted to deny it and tell myself they were actually pregnancy cramps and symptoms.
I'm trying to stay positive about it though and just telling myself that my body is preparing for next month and to house a future baby. All of this is worth it. Here's to next month!
I'm trying to stay positive about it though and just telling myself that my body is preparing for next month and to house a future baby. All of this is worth it. Here's to next month!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
FINALLY!!!
Well hells bells!!
I am SOOOOO excited!!! Just took this upon getting home from work around 5:30.
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!
I am SOOOOO excited!!! Just took this upon getting home from work around 5:30.
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!
Still Waiting...
Its now currently CD22 and i still have yet to ovulate. Or at least i think. I've been using the OPKs but i am going cross eyed trying to read the results. Here let me post a picture of some them...
As you can see its hard to tell!! And as you can see i think its possible that I could have ovulated on 9/3, but i'm just not positive. If so today would be 10dpo, i took a pregnancy test this morning with FMU and it was a BFN. Which isnt too surprising since the OPKs are fading. I will have to get an updated picture to show you since then. I stopped writing down what time and what date i took them but you can still see the line progression. I do not temp, and i dont think i ever will. I know thats really the only way to totally confirm ovulation but i'm not doing it.
I'm getting frustrated to say the least. And its only our first round of clomid! I watched a video the other day on YouTube from a woman who ovulated on CD 31 and actually conceived so i guess hope isnt lost just yet. And AF isnt here yet so i dont know why i'm panicking, but i am! I want so badly for this to be our cycle and i feel like its not going to be. It just makes me sad.
As you can see its hard to tell!! And as you can see i think its possible that I could have ovulated on 9/3, but i'm just not positive. If so today would be 10dpo, i took a pregnancy test this morning with FMU and it was a BFN. Which isnt too surprising since the OPKs are fading. I will have to get an updated picture to show you since then. I stopped writing down what time and what date i took them but you can still see the line progression. I do not temp, and i dont think i ever will. I know thats really the only way to totally confirm ovulation but i'm not doing it.
I'm getting frustrated to say the least. And its only our first round of clomid! I watched a video the other day on YouTube from a woman who ovulated on CD 31 and actually conceived so i guess hope isnt lost just yet. And AF isnt here yet so i dont know why i'm panicking, but i am! I want so badly for this to be our cycle and i feel like its not going to be. It just makes me sad.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Waiting to Ovulate!
Today is CD 12.
I've taken the prometrium and was able to have a cycle successfully. I had my doubts that it would work this time but i'm glad my doubts were just that...doubts. I'm also glad it wasnt horrendous. It was a normal cycle for me. With minimal cramps and headaches. The only think that sucked about it was that it started the day after our vacation started and our 2 year wedding anniversary. Chris had wanted us to have sex every day of our vacation so those plans had to chance.
I have taken all 5 of the clomid pills. And happily had very little side effects. Only some mild hot flashes and heart palpitations. Thats pretty much it.
Yesterday i took my first OPK and it was closer to positive then any of the previous OPKs i have ever taken, so i'm pretty excited i will ovulate this time! (Note to self: Take picture of OPK to show! :)) My doctor told me to start using the OPKs on CD 10 because some will ovulate a lot sooner then expected and soem will a lot later then expected so to cover all bases start early! Then wait the 2 weeks and take a pregnancy test or until AF is due. So i'm currently just waiting to ovulate. I wouldnt be surprised if i do within the next couple days.
Chris and I arent really planning when to have sex, we'd like to keep this fun and not turn it into a chore. I hate hearing and reading stories about timed intercourse and such. Seems so impersonal and unromantic. We want to have a child but we also want to continue our relationship in a normal fashion and conceive with love and passion. I never want either of us to get to the point where we are having sex because we have to if we want to have a child. I dont want to force him if he's not in the mood just because i'm about to ovulate. I'd love to have sex with my husband every day but some days we're just too tired or what ever. And thats perfectly ok!
I guess we arent at the desperate point yet and i hope we never do!
Friday, August 12, 2011
Prometrium and Clomid it is!
My appoitment with my OBGYN was yesterday. And i came away with it feeling happy and excited but most importantly hopeful. My appoitment was at 1:30. I left work at noon and went home and had some lunch and watched some Baby Story on TLC. I headed over to the Women's Hospital and was lucky to find a handicap spot at the front, i went early in case i'd have to park miles away. I took that as a positive sign. haha! I get all checked in and waited about 10 minutes before being called back. I was weighed (113 lbs, yikes!!!) and then gave a lovely urine sample since my last cycle was June 22nd and they just wanted to do a pregnancy test "just in case." I knew it would be negative, but that little voice in my head spoke up and was saying "what if!!" So after getting my blood pressure and my pulse i was left to wait alone. Chris would have come, he's been to all of my doctors appointments, baby related and not, but he just wasnt able to arrange his schedule at work so he could. So i sat alone for what felt like hours even though i twas probably about 10 minutes. But those thoughts in my head were getting my hopes up! Even though i knew it was going to be negative. I swear i heard someone outside the door softely saying "Pregnant?" and then another person say "yeah." And of course i thought it was directed at me and my pee sample, but of course it wasnt.
My doctor comes in and we discuss whats going on, refresh her on when the miscarriage was (uhh, why didnt she look in my chart? In fact, she didnt even have my chart with her, but whatever) and what we've done since then to induce a period and how that didnt work. Without hesitation she says she is going to have me try prometrium again to induce my period (last time i only spotted, no flow at all) and then start on clomid on CD 5-9. And then start using OPKs after that until i get a positive. And if i dont, she'll up the dose of clomid. The awesome thing about paying for clomid is, they are on the "cheap" list at Wal-Mart. If you tell them you dont have insurance (which i actually DO, but...) instead of paying $30, i only paid $9!!! Unfortunately the Prometrium was $35.
I.WAS.SHOCKED.
I fully expected to hem-haw around and have to beg to be put on clomid. Both of my sisters used clomid (more on that in a minute), so i'm not that surprised i would need it too, but i thought it took a while for the doctor to be like, ok lets try this now. My guess is though, since i'm NOT having a cycle its more of a sign i need help sooner? Whatever, i dont even care, i'm just glad! I feel like we're finally moving one step closer to becoming parents!
So, my sisters and clomid. My older sister Michelle, has been diagnosed with PCOS. She was given clomid to help her in her TTC journey with baby #2. When i asked her about her experience with clomid (before i was prescribed or visited my/our OBGYN) she told me she didnt like the side effect and stopped taking it. So she didnt conceive using clomid. However, after stopping it she did. She's had two beautiful baby boy's. Jaxton is now 4 and Jett is 2. My younger sister Stephanie, also had to use clomid. She was never diagnosed with PCOS, but she's got all of the same symptons our older sister has so i wouldnt be surprised if she does too. I'm not sure how many cycles she had to use clomid before she conceived but she is now the mother of my adorable 1 year old niece Emma. So who knows how my body and i will react to clomid. I'm hoping and crossing all fingers and toes and legs and arms that i will only need one round to do the trick for us.
My doctor comes in and we discuss whats going on, refresh her on when the miscarriage was (uhh, why didnt she look in my chart? In fact, she didnt even have my chart with her, but whatever) and what we've done since then to induce a period and how that didnt work. Without hesitation she says she is going to have me try prometrium again to induce my period (last time i only spotted, no flow at all) and then start on clomid on CD 5-9. And then start using OPKs after that until i get a positive. And if i dont, she'll up the dose of clomid. The awesome thing about paying for clomid is, they are on the "cheap" list at Wal-Mart. If you tell them you dont have insurance (which i actually DO, but...) instead of paying $30, i only paid $9!!! Unfortunately the Prometrium was $35.
I.WAS.SHOCKED.
I fully expected to hem-haw around and have to beg to be put on clomid. Both of my sisters used clomid (more on that in a minute), so i'm not that surprised i would need it too, but i thought it took a while for the doctor to be like, ok lets try this now. My guess is though, since i'm NOT having a cycle its more of a sign i need help sooner? Whatever, i dont even care, i'm just glad! I feel like we're finally moving one step closer to becoming parents!
So, my sisters and clomid. My older sister Michelle, has been diagnosed with PCOS. She was given clomid to help her in her TTC journey with baby #2. When i asked her about her experience with clomid (before i was prescribed or visited my/our OBGYN) she told me she didnt like the side effect and stopped taking it. So she didnt conceive using clomid. However, after stopping it she did. She's had two beautiful baby boy's. Jaxton is now 4 and Jett is 2. My younger sister Stephanie, also had to use clomid. She was never diagnosed with PCOS, but she's got all of the same symptons our older sister has so i wouldnt be surprised if she does too. I'm not sure how many cycles she had to use clomid before she conceived but she is now the mother of my adorable 1 year old niece Emma. So who knows how my body and i will react to clomid. I'm hoping and crossing all fingers and toes and legs and arms that i will only need one round to do the trick for us.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
CD 49
Today is cycle day 49.
Yeah, i'm less then thrilled.
Still negative OPKs and still negative pregnancy tests. Sigh.
My appointment with my family doctor didnt really go as i expected. She was more focused on following up to my appoitment from 6 weeks ago, which was also my first appointment with her then anything new that may have developed in the mean time. I also felt rushed this visit, which is annoying. I had a pretty terrible headache that day so i brought that up. And instead of wanting to find our what could be causing the headaches (hormonal imbalance perhaps!?) which i get at least twice a week she prescribed me "an old antidepressant that has shown to prevent headaches all together." Sounds great, but i'd rather know why they are happening instead of just covering them up. I also dont really like the idea of being on an antidepressant (hello! We're ttcing!!!). I thought i'd give it a shot and at least see how i handled it. She told me it makes most people tired so she has them take it at night before bed. Well i took it around 8pm on Friday. I can pretty much not tell you much about Saturday because i slept the entire day. I was too tired to do much of anything. I woke up around 2 or so and had some lunch and went right back to bed. Chris got home from work at 4:30 and i stayed in bed for another 2-3 hours. I finally got out of bed for dinner, but i just felt out of it and anxious about what i should be doing even though i didnt have anything to do. Chris was worried i slept so much. And we decided i was not taking anymore. I cant function like that! Especially at work! I'd rather have a headache then feel like that. I still feel like i feel out of it 4 days later, i'm still anxious and feel like i'm on the verg of a panic attack, and like i cant breath or catch my breath. Its not fun! Luckily she also wrote me a script for Imitrex for migranes, which i get every so often.
When i asked if she could refer me to a high risk pregnancy doctor she asked if i had talked with my OBGYN and basically brushed it off. Yes i've talked with my OBGYN! I had told my family doctor she wont refer me until AFTER i'm pregnant. We want to talk with a high risk OB BEFORE we get pregnant. She said she could refer me to a geneticist but that my OBGYN and the high risk OB would work together. So i took that as i should talk to my OBGYN. Sigh.
Our 2 year wedding anniversary is August 22, so we're both taking the entire week off to celebrate. We're tight on extra money so we arent going anywhere this time. So i tried to make my appt with my OBGYN during that week so i wouldnt have to worry about taking of more time from work. Well of course, she doesnt have any appts that week but they could get me in on Aug. 11th (which will be CD 51). Fine, i'll take it. So i'll be off again for a half day on Thursday. I just wish doctors appointments were more productive! I know when i go she'll want to do blood work and then want me to come back in a week or something. I want results and i want them now! And i dont want to be put on Birth Control pills to regulate my cycle! Something else is wrong!!
I am just so damn frustrated!
Yeah, i'm less then thrilled.
Still negative OPKs and still negative pregnancy tests. Sigh.
My appointment with my family doctor didnt really go as i expected. She was more focused on following up to my appoitment from 6 weeks ago, which was also my first appointment with her then anything new that may have developed in the mean time. I also felt rushed this visit, which is annoying. I had a pretty terrible headache that day so i brought that up. And instead of wanting to find our what could be causing the headaches (hormonal imbalance perhaps!?) which i get at least twice a week she prescribed me "an old antidepressant that has shown to prevent headaches all together." Sounds great, but i'd rather know why they are happening instead of just covering them up. I also dont really like the idea of being on an antidepressant (hello! We're ttcing!!!). I thought i'd give it a shot and at least see how i handled it. She told me it makes most people tired so she has them take it at night before bed. Well i took it around 8pm on Friday. I can pretty much not tell you much about Saturday because i slept the entire day. I was too tired to do much of anything. I woke up around 2 or so and had some lunch and went right back to bed. Chris got home from work at 4:30 and i stayed in bed for another 2-3 hours. I finally got out of bed for dinner, but i just felt out of it and anxious about what i should be doing even though i didnt have anything to do. Chris was worried i slept so much. And we decided i was not taking anymore. I cant function like that! Especially at work! I'd rather have a headache then feel like that. I still feel like i feel out of it 4 days later, i'm still anxious and feel like i'm on the verg of a panic attack, and like i cant breath or catch my breath. Its not fun! Luckily she also wrote me a script for Imitrex for migranes, which i get every so often.
When i asked if she could refer me to a high risk pregnancy doctor she asked if i had talked with my OBGYN and basically brushed it off. Yes i've talked with my OBGYN! I had told my family doctor she wont refer me until AFTER i'm pregnant. We want to talk with a high risk OB BEFORE we get pregnant. She said she could refer me to a geneticist but that my OBGYN and the high risk OB would work together. So i took that as i should talk to my OBGYN. Sigh.
Our 2 year wedding anniversary is August 22, so we're both taking the entire week off to celebrate. We're tight on extra money so we arent going anywhere this time. So i tried to make my appt with my OBGYN during that week so i wouldnt have to worry about taking of more time from work. Well of course, she doesnt have any appts that week but they could get me in on Aug. 11th (which will be CD 51). Fine, i'll take it. So i'll be off again for a half day on Thursday. I just wish doctors appointments were more productive! I know when i go she'll want to do blood work and then want me to come back in a week or something. I want results and i want them now! And i dont want to be put on Birth Control pills to regulate my cycle! Something else is wrong!!
I am just so damn frustrated!
Friday, July 29, 2011
My very first TTC Blog
Beginning stats:
Last Menstrual Cycle began on October 22, 2010
Positive pregnancy test on November 22, 2010
First Ultrasound: December 8, 2010 (should have been 6w4d, measured 4w4d)
Natural Miscarriage: December 11, 2010 (no D&C needed)
Given Prometrium to induce period in January 2011, unsuccessful
Given birth control pills to try and regulate periods in March 2011
Took last pack of birth control pills and had period on June 22, 2011
One week late for period as of July 27, 2011, negative pregnancy test
So, last month we unofficially started trying for another baby. We have officially started trying this month. So far...i think, its been unsuccessful. I say "think" because i'm late, however, the pregnancy tests i've taken have been negative. I am about a week late, so if i were pregnant a test should be able to pick it up. I had stopped taking birth control pills in June, so this last cycle which started on June 22, seemed normal enough. I had bought some OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) to test and see if and when i was ovulating. I started using them about a week after my cycle ended. I never got a positive ovulation test. So i've either missed it all together, or didn't ovulate at all. And now i'm not having a period. So i'm pretty frustrated. We want to conceive in August because we'd love to have our baby in April (no one in either family has a birthday in April), but at this rate it probably wont happen. I have a regular doctors appointment, just a routine check up on August 4th and i plan to ask for a referral to a high risk OBGYN so we can get some testing done and hopefully get things going for us again. We would also feel more comfortable starting with a high risk doctor as opposed to being referred after we conceive. The OBGYN i have now wanted to wait until we had a heartbeat before she would refer me. With my special circumstances i think being able to get to know the doctor who will be taking care of me and my future baby would be a better idea. That way he can do his own research on my disease and hopefully help us plan better.
And so begins our TTC journey. Coming along for the ride?
Last Menstrual Cycle began on October 22, 2010
Positive pregnancy test on November 22, 2010
First Ultrasound: December 8, 2010 (should have been 6w4d, measured 4w4d)
Natural Miscarriage: December 11, 2010 (no D&C needed)
Given Prometrium to induce period in January 2011, unsuccessful
Given birth control pills to try and regulate periods in March 2011
Took last pack of birth control pills and had period on June 22, 2011
One week late for period as of July 27, 2011, negative pregnancy test
So, last month we unofficially started trying for another baby. We have officially started trying this month. So far...i think, its been unsuccessful. I say "think" because i'm late, however, the pregnancy tests i've taken have been negative. I am about a week late, so if i were pregnant a test should be able to pick it up. I had stopped taking birth control pills in June, so this last cycle which started on June 22, seemed normal enough. I had bought some OPKs (ovulation predictor kits) to test and see if and when i was ovulating. I started using them about a week after my cycle ended. I never got a positive ovulation test. So i've either missed it all together, or didn't ovulate at all. And now i'm not having a period. So i'm pretty frustrated. We want to conceive in August because we'd love to have our baby in April (no one in either family has a birthday in April), but at this rate it probably wont happen. I have a regular doctors appointment, just a routine check up on August 4th and i plan to ask for a referral to a high risk OBGYN so we can get some testing done and hopefully get things going for us again. We would also feel more comfortable starting with a high risk doctor as opposed to being referred after we conceive. The OBGYN i have now wanted to wait until we had a heartbeat before she would refer me. With my special circumstances i think being able to get to know the doctor who will be taking care of me and my future baby would be a better idea. That way he can do his own research on my disease and hopefully help us plan better.
And so begins our TTC journey. Coming along for the ride?
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